Mara Jade Skywalker's Deadbook Page
by JediMara77
Summary: People asked for another one, so here it is. Sequel to "Mara Jade's Facebook Page." Mara Jade Skywalker experiences the afterlife via Facebook - I mean, Deadbook - and spies on the living. It's as cracky as it sounds.


**People asked for ****another one****, and today the idea for a sequel finally hit me and I just had to go with it. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>"Mara Jade Skywalker's Deadbook Page" <strong>

_A/N: This is all meant in pure fun and jest. Please no bashing the current series in comments. Spoilers for Fate of the Jedi._

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ is now dead. _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Aunt Mara! I am both sad and happy to see you here. What happened?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Your stupid brother is what happened to me!  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Jacen? Oh dear. Well, how's Tahiri doing?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Uh…  
><strong>Ganner Rhysode:<strong> NONE SHALL PASS!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Huh?  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Ignore him, Aunt Mara. He does that a lot.  
><strong>Chewbacca:<strong> RAWR!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ This is getting really boring. I want to learn how to spy on the living. _  
><strong>Yoda:<strong> Learn the secrets of the Force you will, young Jade. Teach you to return to your loved ones, I shall.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> …No offense, but is there someone else I can learn that from? Like Kenobi?  
><strong>Palpatine:<strong> WHAT! I've been trying to learn that secret for years! Haven't I suffered enough?  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> You're on your own, my dear.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Hey, I named my SON after you.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> *points and laughs at Palpy* Ha-ha!  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> *facepalm*

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Sigh. Farmboy is getting moody. I better go talk to him. _  
><strong>Biggs Darklighter:<strong> Tell him to suck it up!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Who are you, again?  
><strong>Zev Senesca:<strong> Biggs! You know, of Biggs and Tank. Of Tatooine.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> And _you_ are?  
><strong>Dack Ralter:<strong> That's Zev! Rogue Two!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> …Oh no. Wait a minute. This is a dead Rogue Squadron reunion, isn't it? HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?

_**Mara Jade Skywalker - Anakin Solo**__ Boy have I got stuff to tell you! _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> I don't think I want to know.  
><strong>Chewbacca:<strong> GROWL!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> What'd he say?  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> Something about everything going to hell once he died.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker: <strong>Oh. Well, he's kind of right.

_**Jacen Solo**__ is now dead._  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Oh no!  
><strong>Chewbacca:<strong> GRRAWWRRR!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Well, well, well. What do we have here?  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> …Oh, kriff.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> You better start running NOW, son.  
><strong>Ganner Rhysode:<strong> NONE SHALL PASS!

_**Jacen Solo - Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Um, hi. So, I'm really sorry. Uh. Can we still be friends? *hopeful grin* _  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Sure. Sure, we can "be friends," _Darth Caedus._ *evil grin*  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> *gulp*

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the holocomm. NATASI DAALA IS CHIEF OF STATE? What the HELL is wrong with these people? _  
><strong>Grand Moff Tarkin:<strong> Good for her!  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Of the _Galactic Alliance_, you idiot. Not the Empire.  
><strong>Grand Moff Tarkin:<strong> …_What?_  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker: <strong>Exactly.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ And Jagged Fel is now running the Empire. Jaina, you better get your act together soon, girl. Men with power are sexy! _  
><strong>Palpatine:<strong> Is that so?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> I'm gonna vomit.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> Wait a minute. My granddaughter is dating? She's not supposed to even leave the house yet!  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> She killed me, granddad. I think she can handle Captain Cardboard.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Yeah, don't worry. Han will take care of him. *evil grin*  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> This is the only time I've ever been grateful that my daughter married that no-good scoundrel.  
><strong>Chewbacca:<strong> GRAWWERREERRREERRR!

_**Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker - Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Hi, Mara! I was hoping we could get together and do some bonding. I hear that you and Luke have the most interesting story on how you met for the first time!_  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Um, yeah. Sure. That sounds great.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> This should be interesting.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Padme, I can also tell you some very enlightening stories about working with your husband.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> …  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> *grin*

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Natasi Daala just arrested my husband. NATASI DAALA arrested LUKE SKYWALKER. Does anybody else see anything wrong with this? _  
><strong>Palpatine<strong> and **Grand Moff Tarkin** like this.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> Somebody arrested my son? And he didn't kill them outright? What is wrong with that boy?  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> *facepalm*

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Exiled? For TEN YEARS? And you're letting BEN go with you? Oh, Farmboy. What did I tell you about taking responsibility for everything all by yourself?_  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> *shrug* Traveling around the galaxy isn't all that bad.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker: <strong>Yeah, how'd that work out for you, Darth Caedus?

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ So if Skywalker being arrested wasn't bad enough, now all these Jedi Knights are going crazy. Poor Mirax. _  
><strong>Palpatine<strong> likes this.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> You're lucky you're already dead.  
><strong>Palpatine:<strong> Or _am_ I?

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Oh hey, my boys are learning all about Jorj Car'das, that guy Lando and I spent years trying to find. While pretending to be a couple. *fumes* _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Uncle Lando's not _that_ bad.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Fine, _you_ try pretending to be his girlfriend.  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Um, no thanks.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Mirax just punched someone! I'm so proud. _  
><strong>Anakin Solo<strong> and **Chewbacca** like this.  
><strong>Valin HalcyonHal Horn:** I can't believe my boy married that scumbag's daughter.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Shove it, CorSec. _Damn_, I've missed saying that!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Had a beautiful family reunion with Luke and Ben. My boy has gotten so big. I'm so proud of him._  
><strong>Palpatine:<strong> Now _I'm_ the one who's going to vomit.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker - Anakin Skywalker**__ Well, well, well, look who DIDN'T bring balance to the Force and destroy the Sith after all! _  
><strong>Palpatine<strong> likes this.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> What?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> There's an entire tribe of Sith you missed there, Chosen One. Way to go.  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> Just so you know, Aunt Mara, I had _nothing_ to do with these people.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Whatever, aunt-killer.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Hey everybody, guess what? Luke Skywalker is injured and not taking care of himself. _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> And this surprises you?  
><strong>Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker:<strong> It's his father's fault. Luke is always trying to live up to him.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> It's not my fault!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ There's just something about watching Luke fight rancors that gets me all hot and bothered. _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Gross.  
><strong>Gaeriel Captison:<strong> Isn't it nice? *grin*  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> You can look, but he's mine, missy!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ I'm not sure what I think about Ben flying around with this Sith girl. I really hope Skywalker knows what he's doing. _  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> She seems all right to me.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Hey, remember when you killed me? Shut up.  
><strong>Chewbacca:<strong> GRAWR!  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> Chewbacca here says that Luke is more than capable of taking care of himself and his offspring. And I'm sure Young Ben won't do anything rash. After all, he is named after me.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Yeah, that's right. I'm sure Luke knows what he's doing. He wouldn't take a Sith girl on my ship without a plan.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Oh, what the hell am I saying? They're screwed.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Well, now I know for sure that they're screwed. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ALLYING WITH THE SITH? REMEMBER THE SITH? OLD YELLOW EYES? Dear Force, I taught that man nothing. _  
><strong>Palpatine:<strong>Everything is going as planned.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Why does Skywalker never listen to me? Sigh. Here he goes fighting yet another ex-girlfriend. Hopefully it goes better than the last time. _  
><strong>Shira Brie<strong> likes this.

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ I swear, if I was alive I'd tear the Jedi Order a new one. I hope Luke kicks all your asses when he gets home. _  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi<strong> and **Yoda **like this.

_**Kenth Hamner**__ is now dead._  
><strong>Kenth Hamner:<strong> Did I…did I just get killed by Saba?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> W.T.K. Poor Hamner Time.  
><strong>Ganner Rhysode:<strong> NONE SHALL PASS!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ This message is for one Jaina Solo. KRIFF HIM OR DUMP HIM. This is getting old._  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Things I don't need to hear about, ever.  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> Me, neither.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Anakin: Sorry, but it's true. Caedus: Did you have an objection, aunt-killer?

_**Akanah Norand Goss Pell**__ is now dead._  
><strong>Akanah Norand Goss Pell:<strong> I hate Abeloth. So much.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Hey, I've heard about you. You should meet Padme. You know, Luke's mother.  
><strong>Ganner Rhysode:<strong> NONE SHALL PASS!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Ugh, Nam Chorios? Really? Good luck, Farmboy. And watch out for that Vestara girl. Ben's looking a little too eager. _  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Nam Chorios? Isn't that the planet with the Death Seed plague?  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Yes.  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Wow, and people said that _I_ was reckless.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> It's your grandfather's influence.  
><strong>Anakin Skywalker:<strong> Damn right, it is!  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> *facepalm*

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ Han and Leia, you know I love you. But one day you are going to get that child killed._  
><strong>Anakin Solo:<strong> Ouch, Aunt Mara. Too soon.  
><strong>Jacen Solo:<strong> Can you not say things like that? That's my daughter you're talking about.  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> What was that, aunt-killer?

_**Callista Masana/Ming**__ is now REALLY dead._  
><strong>Mara Jade Skywalker:<strong> Hey there, Callie! You're just in time for our meeting!  
><strong>Callista MasanaMing:** Meeting?  
><strong>Ganner Rhysode:<strong> NONE SHALL PASS!

_**Mara Jade Skywalker**__ has started a group: __**Luke Skywalker's Dead Exes Society**_  
><strong>Callista MasanaMing** has joined the group.  
><strong>Anakah Norand Goss Pell<strong> has joined the group.  
><strong>Shira Brie<strong> has joined the group.  
><strong>Gaeriel Captison<strong> has joined the group.  
><strong>Jem Ysanna<strong> has joined the group.  
><strong>Obi-Wan Kenobi:<strong> And _this_ is why the Jedi Order prohibited attachment.


End file.
